Religion & Interracial Romance
The black church has a history of being the pillar of the black community, and admittedly, most blacks–that is, blacks who consider themselves Christian–are pretty religious and/or spiritual. I have observed, however, in online conversations between black women and the issue of interracial dating, that a few of the black women conversation who are married or who date white men, have mentioned their lack of religion. What strikes me about this is that Sunday, to paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King, is the most segregated day in America. In all my years of church-going (though I haven’t attended regularly in years), the eensy number of interracial couples I do remember seeing were that of white men with Asian or Hispanic women.
Mind you, I’ve only attended an all-black church for one period in my life; the churches I usually attended were mixed with either a predominantly white congregation or a predominantly black congregation, depending on the ethnicity of the pastor (funny isn’t it? a white pastor rarely attracts a large black congregation, and vice versa). Even then there was hardly any interaction besides the old “turn to your neighbor and say Hello/God bless you” shtick pastors used to force camaraderie between people who wouldn’t say hi if they saw one another at the grocery store.
After hearing about some crazed pastor who told his mostly black female congregation to stay single rather than marry a white man, I’ve begun to think about the role religion plays in subtly prohibiting interracial relationships.
What do you all think?
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My, we are feeling controversial these days. Oh well, I’ve never had enough sense to avoid controversy. I all but chewed off a limb to escape the black Baptist Church at 17 and will never go back.
Of course the black church doesn’t want black women to date out. They don’t want black women to marry period. Who then would form the harem for the ministers in those churches? Black men? Yeah right. I’ve never been in a black church that had any men to speak of. All that money to give the pastors fancy suits and fly-azz whips has to come from somewhere.
Have you ever been to the single’s ministry in one of those churches? Well, I have and just let me say, pitiful. Nothing but a hen party. Contrast that with one of my friends who met his wife at social for single Jews. The black community for any number of reasons does not have a marriage culture, instead we have these churches filled with unfulfilled black women who fawn around these preachers and make them feel like gods. They put all their time, energy and most importantly MONEY into these churches. Churches that sit idly by while black women can’t even walk down the street in their own communities without being assaulted. Pastors who stand in the pulpit and tell black women that they can’t find a man because they’re not sufficiently submissive. I’ve been saying this for more than 20 years; black women should’ve walked out of black churches decades ago. Rather than being a tool for empowerment and upliftment for black women it’s an albatross around their necks while they try to be “the backbone of the black community.”
lol, I’m not being controversial! After regularly visiting sites by black bloggers, and leaping back into the dating scene, I’ve begun to question a lot of things largely ignored by the general online romance reading populace. And though I did attend one snoozeworthy Baptist church, I definitely, definitely noticed that black churches are filled with black women, old men, and young boys. And the young men who were in church were in the mold of the pastor–misogynistic, money- and power-hungry, and uber-judgmental.
The concept of a “marriage culture” in the black community is another interesting topic, particularly in light of the spotty history blacks have with marriage…
Oh c’mon, hair and religion in the same week? All you have to do is add weight in and you will have struck the black woman trifecta!
Oh, and if you want to see controversial, you should check out a post I just did on whether interracial books is the reason monoracial book sales are falling off.
Seriously? Do we even need to talk about the myth of the “black church” and that when you say “black church” you probably aren’t talking about the black Catholic churches I’ve attended all my life.
I disagree that the “black church” is a myth. Historically and presently, the majority of black folks are/were Protestant, and mostly Baptist, and the institution of the black church and its meaning to the black community can be found in W.E.B. DuBois’s “The Souls of Black Folk” and Carter G. Woodson’s “The History of the Negro Church”. As a Catholic, you no doubt have a completely different experience with religion than most blacks, but you cannot discount the black church’s influence on black life, particularly as it pertains to how we view romance, marriage, and relationships (re what Roslyn said the typical black church looked like).
If we’re looking at the influence of the “black church” on the lives of black people, we can just as easily make an argument for the progressive influence it has had, the ways in which it has given and continues to give refuge and inspiration to progressive (even radical) political and social impulses in black people. And if we are looking to academics to help us make sense of the role of the “black church” in the lives of black people (as well we should I say, speaking as an academic and a great lover of all things Du Bois), we should maybe look at the contemporary work of Dwight Hopkins or Fred Harris or Melissa Harris Lacewell or Robin D.G. Kelly or Anthony Pinn. Their understanding of the “black church” is more nuanced than even Du Bois’s.
But to get right to the heart of the issue here–the black church and interracial romance. It seems to me that I don’t have to look to the black church for messages telling me not to date interracially. They are all around me, living as I do as a black woman in the U.S. The black church is not special in this regard. Where is the similar frustration with the “white church” or white people in general for refusing to date interracially? Do they get a pass? Is it just black women who get to be called to task for not dating outside their race?
And, finally, when are we going to give black women some credit? If I’m to believe the image of black women presented in your posts, we are all a bunch of mindless women being made even more so by our blind love for conservative unoriginal romance and our blind faith in the black church. Apparently we do little thinking of our own because if our minister says to do something we do it and we can’t imagine a relationship that doesn’t look like the ones in Kimani romances. Oh, and we also relax our hair. Shame on us.
And before you come back with all the black women you know who do in fact follow their pastors’ orders to the letter, I could offer the scores of black women I know who go to church and don’t, who date white men (and women) and don’t, who like their romances prim and proper and who like their romances as steamy and as explicit as they can get it. Black women who go to old school Baptist churches and volunteer as escorts at abortion clinics. Black women with relaxed hair who spend summers in Africa building wells.
In short, what troubles me about this post and others on this blog is not your individual taste in romance. To each her own. No, what troubles me is that you don’t give black women, romance readers and non-romance readers alike, enough credit for being smart and complicated people with rich inner lives that can’t be boiled down to what church we go to or what books we read.
Thanks Consuela. The only reason the conversation turned to the black church is due to Roslyn’s experience. Yes I mentioned that one church, but my experience has been in predominantly white churches (as mentioned) and my question was general–what role does the Christian church (Baptist, Pentecostal, etc) have regarding the lack of interracial relationships between fellow Christians? As for your assumption that I think black women are “stupid,” I have no idea why and where you would think that.
Firstly, this is my personal blog full of my personal thoughts and I welcome all opinions and life experiences to give my ruminations a 3-D viewpoint.
Secondly, this blog is about books, the romance genre, specifically, and it is incredibly difficult to ascertain how AA romance mirrors, distorts, contradicts, etc etc the actual lives of black men and black women and how they view love, marriage, sex, and romance because black romance readers are not present online. I’ve been online since I began reading romance novels (ca 2000) and have grown from simply reading whatever came my way, to becoming more selective, to discussing what I read, to right now, where I’m applying my studies to what I read. The genre has begun to invade university literature and sociology classes, but it still focuses on romance novels written by whites, with white characters, for the consumption of white readers.
Lastly, I also look at AA romances through the lens of history and feminism.
I won’t ever kick anyone off my blog for dissenting opinions, but I am highly perturbed by your accusations that I am blindly criticizing black women and their reading choices, as well as making assumptions that black women are like mindless sheep.
I am a black woman.
I am not made of stereotypes and ignorant images.
I read romances and also have my favorite themes and my hated themes due to my personal life experiences.
I question why I read romances and what it says about my life and how I perceive romantic relationships.
I struggle with how I wear my hair and what I feel about the choices I make about my hair.
If you go back to day one of my blog, you will see where I come from. And needless to say, I am ONE voice. And it’s damn lonely, especially when I see my fellow romance bloggers debate and discuss feminism and sociological impact of romance, and I either hold my tongue for fear of derailing the conversation by bringing race into the equation, or I’m viewed as that “black militant” who can’t talk about anything else. But ultimately, if I’m stepping on the toes of black romance fans, maybe it’s a good thing.
Well my my my.
Any Pastor who tells a flock of black women to not marry outside of their race is most certainly not walking in Jesus Nikes. If I were standing in a congregation as those words were being spoken from the Pulpit I’d be incredibly suspect.
As for leading on black women within the church I would say the challenge is for more people to become more critical thinkers. Sometimes followers are passive. It’s a part of life. When you’re a critical thinker you’re less likely to follow anything anyone says blindly and you’re more inclined to be on the introspective side. I like my church but I also think that churches are hospitals for the sick, deaf, dumb, blind, cripple and crazy.
Healing means different things to different people. Some come to gossip, some to cry, and some to lust after Pastor while his wife’s back is turned.
It’s like One Life to Live in Stereo.
When I was pregnant with our oldest daughter in 1967, we were attending Mass at a church in Tampa. Our regular priest was on vacation so we had a visiting priest from Detroit. A white man, he stood before an entirely white congregation and began to preach interracial marriage as the solution to the race problem. When he said he believed whites should never marry other whites and blacks should never marry other blacks so there would be only one race, a dozen or more people got up and walked out of the church.
Inter racial romance is similar to inter religion romance. Both are not easy but if there is true love and true respect a perfect union can be had.Inter racial dating is looked at so differently from many people. As a black women I am open to dating white men and think white women should date black men.btw found a site in which you can post your opinons..http://opinion.ezwingame.com
I wouldn’t say religion is prohibiting IR relationships, i would say the church is. Religion in its pure state promotes nothing but love. Then people use it as a soap box to for their own agenda. It’s safe to say that it’s women and not men who are controlled or swayed by the church, since the men hold 95% of the leadership positions. So for the self-centered white or a black male leaders, it is in his best interest to denounce marriage outside of their race or to not speak of it at all in order to maintain the illusion that they are highly valuable. The women of the church, always devoted and self sacrificing, will follow the teachings of the church even though it is not truly the words of their religion, nor conducive to their own happiness. But in the end, we have free will. We choose to open our minds and hearts or keep them closed. There are more and more examples in the media and every day life of black women deciding to live and love wider than most black men (and women) are comfortable with. I started my website ReneeRomance.com to add to those examples. Thanks, this was a good topic.